"Discriminating Against Women With Breasts Doesn't Amount to Gender Discrimination"

Mis tetas have always been an asset. I flashed one at Scalia during oral argument this afternoon just to throw off his questioning. You should have seen the size of his ojos!

Estoy tan astuto!

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/09/discriminating_against_breasts.php

"Morning Docket 09.09.09"

Ricky and I go way back. He always said I'd be on the High Court. If you listen to "She Bangs" -- a song he dedicated to me -- you can hear him say "Living it on Capitol Hill" exactly five seconds in:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yf91Ma5gbc

And the "it" is la vida loca!

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/09/morning_docket_090909.php

"Supreme Court Retirement Watch: More on Justice Stevens"

Usted necesita comprobar usted mismo, el hombre blanco! Yo hablo el idioma de Puerto Rico, no el idioma de las fuerzas invasoras de España! No se atrevan a desafiar la latina sabio! Tengo un plazo de vida!

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/09/justice_stevens_retirement_update.php

"Supreme Court Retirement Watch: Justice Stevens?"

I've already called dibs on Stevens' CORNER office! Scalia was about to, but his jaw dropped when I smiled at him while licking the office doorknob.

Esta oficina es mío!

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/09/justice_stevens_law_clerk_hiring_retirement.php

"Some Random Friday Fun"

I found this same video on Souter's old computer. I'm having the hard drive erased.

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/some_random_friday_fun.php

"Non-Sequiturs: 08.28.09"

Bader Ginsburg and I are having a taco cook-off tonight!

I told her I can't wait until we munch each other's tacos, but she just stared at me with a confused look.

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/non-sequiturs_082809.php

"Survivor: The Lawyer and Law Student Edition"

My vote's for the wise Latina.

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/lawyers_law_students_survivor.php

"Nationwide No Offer Watch: Zero Offers Extended At Morgan Lewis D.C. "

I'm just glad I snagged a job when I did.

"Oh yes it's ladies night,
And the feeling's right!
Oh yes it's ladies night,
Oh what a night (oh what a night)...

"Girls, y'all got one
A night that's special everywhere,
From D.C. to Hollywood.
It's ladies night and girl
the feeling's good...

"If you hear any noise
It ain't the boys , it's ladies night , uh huh...

"Gonna step out ladies night
Steppin' out ladies night
Gonna step out ladies night
Steppin' out ladies night!"

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/morgan_lewis_no_offers_dc.php

"Fish & Richardson Could Cut Its Corporate Department. All of It."

I like fish tacos.

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/fish_richardson_corporate.php

"Lawyer of the Day: And Her 'Real Pimpin' Law Professor Boyfriend"

I've never had a boyfriend force me to pay him $1000.

Mostly that's because I've never had a boyfriend.

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/uconn_professor_pimpin_girlfriend.php

"Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Ken Basin, Harvard Law '08, Sure Does."

I'm having four buttons installed in my new office!

All four dispense sour cream on demand.

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/ken_basin_millionaire_show.php

"Westlaw Printer Access Restored for Puerto Rico!"

¡Cómo el atrevimiento usted no cubre la ley de Puerto Rico, Westlaw! ¡Puerto Rico es 100 de largo por 35 millas de ancho y como resultado de su posición geográfica en el centro del arco de las Antillas, Puerto Rico es esencialmente encrucijada de culturas hispánicas y Anglo! No te atrevas a la ira de un sabio latina como yo! ¡No puede ser despedido! ¡Mi país ha sido una parte de los Estados Unidos desde 1898 y los puertorriqueños han sido ciudadanos de los E.E.U.U. desde 1917! ¡Las materias de ley a nosotros, la gente indiginous, tanto como ellos importan al varón blanco! Puesto que vinieron los primeros seres humanos en tierra hace miles de años, la isla que ahora se conoce pues Puerto Rico ha abrigado indios, españoles, africanos y, sí, incluso Anglos. Los españoles tenían la influencia más temprana y más grande a la isla en su llegada en 1493. Durante su arrendamiento de 400 años los españoles violaron y pillaron a nuestra gente, y ahora Westlaw quiere hacerlo otra vez!. ¡Apenas como los españoles trajo esclavos de África trabajar en los campos, que, alternadamente, contribuyeron la especia de su cultura, enriqueciendo la lengua, la música y las dietas, Westlaw quisiera que en la comunidad legal fuéramos esclavos a su información mitad-exacta!

¡Cualquier persona, la corporación o la asociación desobedeciendo voluntarioso cualquier decreto judicial, proceso, orden, regla, decreto, o comando legal de cualquier corte de districto de los Estados Unidos o de cualquier corte del distrito de Columbia, haciendo cualquier acto o cosa en esto, o de tal modo prohibido, si el acto o la cosa así que hecho esté de tal carácter en cuanto a constituyen también un delito debajo de cualquier estatuto de los Estados Unidos o bajo leyes de cualquier estado en las cuales el acto fue cometido, serán procesadas para tal desprecio! ¡Pienso que Westlaw califica aquí, y espero que le vea en la tribunal superior!

Usted sabía que cerca 4 millones de personas de viva en el " Isla del encantamiento, " ¿con más que millón en la mayor zona metropolitana de San Juan sola? No te atrevas a la ira de un sabio latina como yo! ¡Es una sociedad vibrante, moderna, bilingüe, multicultural, y merecemos ser representados en la ley! Los residentes de Puerto Rico tienen mucho en común con sus americanos compañeros en los Estados Unidos continentales, con todo conservamos nuestra cultura. No te atrevas a la ira de un sabio latina como yo! ¡Usted debe reconocer ese Westlaw!

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/westlaw_printer_access_restore.php

"The Eyes of the Law: Justice Sotomayor at Trader Joe's"

"Whole Foods and meee...
We used to beee... toGEther.
Everydaaay toGEther. Alwayyys.

"Your buffet bar...
Was always my BEST friend.
I can't believe...
This could be... theee end.

"Arroz con pollo... y.. pico de gallo!
I can't get this stuff
At the Trader Joooooeee's...

"Don't speak!
I know just what you're saying...
You want me to start 'splainin'
I won't tell you 'cause it hurts!

"Don't speak!
I know what you're thinking...
The boycott's not the reason:
Your tacos gave me squirts!

"Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la,

"Aye, yi yi yi yi...."

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/sonia_sotomayor_trader_joes.php

"Last Week on Above the Law"

"We are family!
I got all my sisters with me!

We are family!
Souter, Bader Ginsburg, and me!"

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/above_the_law_off_the_record.php

"Summer Offer Rate Open Thread: Here Come The No Offers"

"I see you, baby, shakin' that ass
Shakin' that ass
Shakin' that ass

"I see you baby shakin' that ass
Shakin' that ass
Shakin' that ass

"I see you baby shakin' that ass
Shakin' thay ass"

I'd like to help, but I'm only hiring wise Latinas.

Cold offer? I've got a hot offer for you... right... here....

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/summer_offer_rate_open_thread_1.php

"Summer Offer Rate Open Thread: Here Come The No Offers"

"Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad.
So be WISE and keep on
Reading the signs of my body.

"And I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel it's right.
All the attraction... the tension...
Don't you see baby, this is perfection!"

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/summer_offer_rate_open_thread_1.php

"Lawyer of the Day: Gary Appelblatt"

"Appelblatt, blatt, blatt, nut.
Appelblatt, blatt, blatt, nut.
Appelblatt, Appelblatt, Abelblatt: nut.

"Now I love crazies and crazy loves me.
Like a lemon to the lime, and the bumble to the bee.
You know I'm real hood, and no one can resit it.
But I couldn't be a white boy, so don't get me twisted."

Aye yae yieeeeeee!

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/lawyer_of_day_gary_appelblatt.php

"Supreme Court Clerk Hiring Watch: Justice Sotomayor"

"If you had my love,
And I gave you all my trust...
Would you clerk for me?
And if somehow you knew that your law would be untrue,
Would you lie for me?
And call me Lady?

"You said you want a spot and you've got to have it all,
But first there are some things you need to knoooow.
If you want to clerk,
And do all of my work,
I need you to be wise
Or it's got to end, yeee-ah.
I don't want you...
Trying to clerk for me...
And I end up unhappy.

No me gusta, y no me gusta...

So before I doooo....
Give myself to you....
I have to know the truth
If I spend my life term with you!"

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/scotus_clerk_hiring_update.php

"Non-Sequiturs: 08.18.09"

"Don't be fooled by the robe that I got.
I'm still, I'm still Soto from the block.
Had a couple clerks, now I have a lot.
No matter where I go, I know where I came from: (South-side RICO!)

"Don't be fooled by the robe that I got.
I'm still, I'm still Soto from the block.
Had a couple clerks, now I have a lot.
No matter where I go, I know where I came from: (South-side RICO!)"

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/non-sequiturs_081809.php

"Pet Killers, Beware of Orrick"

"Let's have some fun,
This beat is sick.
I wanna take a ride on your big Orrick.
Let's have some fun,
This beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your big Orrick!"

Aye, yae, yaaeeeee!!

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/pet_killers_beware_of_orrick.php

"Baker McKenzie Profits Per Partner Tumble"

Did someone say, dip?

"I put my hand upon your hip,
when I dip you dip we dip.
You put your hand upon my hip,
when you dip I dip we dip.
I put my hand upon your hip
when I dip you dip we dip.

You put yours, and I put mine...
...and we can get down low and roll it 'round!"

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/baker_mckenzie_partner_profits.php

"Hello My Internet Friends"

"Since you've been away... I've... been down and lonely.
Since you've been away... I've... been thinking of you....

"Trying to understand... the reason you left me.
What were you going throooough?

"Ooohhh... ooooahoooo...oooo...."

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/hello_my_internet_friends.php

"Good thing the Supreme Court has its own gym!"

"I'm a justice you know what I mean...
And I do my little turn on the treadmill.
Yeah on the treadmill. On the treadmill -- yeah.
I do my little turn on the treadmill!

"I'm too sexy for my robe. Too sexy for my robe.
Too sexy by far.........
And I'm too sexy for the court.
Too sexy for the court, whatcha think about that?"

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/sonia_sotomayor_equinox_fitness.php